My Life Part 1

Lately, I found reason to record the events of my life. Not because they are exciting, but rather for their mundanity.
I wake up every morning at about 5:15AM. This is after my body has slept for a short period of time, which I use as leverage to buy energy to make to the end of the day. My job is interesting, but with the space program winding down like a top that has lost it's speed, many people are leaving and trying to find other jobs before time runs out. That, as we know it, is a feat in itself. Looking for a job in today's economy is like looking for the Ark of the Covenant in Jersey.
After I get home, I'm too tired to do anything and even if I wasn't tired, what would I do. I live in a town where people are too busy watching their shoes to make sure they don't come untied, that they don't see the race that their supposed to be running.
I constantly dream to offset the weight of the world, but sooner or later, I'll wake up and never fall back asleep again.

-Part 2 soon to come.

Winnie Cooper

What is it about Winnie Cooper that captured the attention of suburban boys all over America? She wasn't anything out of the ordinary, she was just so sweet. I think that every guy wanted a girl like her. She lived in your neighborhood, she went to the same school, but she was a little bit out of your league. We all knew it. We never had a chance with Winnie Cooper. Although, I think every guy should try. After all, Kevin did. And he didn't do too bad.
I think that the character of Kevin Arnold does a great job of reflecting the average boy. We're awkward, confused at times by the world, and trying everything we know to get the attention of the girl that scares us silly.
The writers of "The Wonder Years" did such a great job showing the world what goes on in the world of a boy growing up in the suburbs. It's a world that should not be underestimated or overlooked, because to that boy, it is the world.

I have been thinking about my adolescence a lot recently. With graduating and struggling to find a job in an economy that despite what politicians may say, is NOT doing well. My thoughts tend to stray back to a time when I didn't know as much, but I thought I knew it all. Now, every moment that goes by, I realize I know less than I thought, but I want to know more. At the same time, I realize that each day that goes by, means one more day that I cannot get back.
Sobering and perhaps a bit morose, but thought provoking nonetheless. These are the thoughts that go through my mind, scattered and troubling at times, but they are mine.

For now, I will watch "The Wonder Years" and contemplate the next move.

The news is time sensitive...

I recently was in the paper and on yahoonews for going to Denny's free Grand Slam Day. It happened to be the same day as my birthday, so that was a plus. The next day, everyone was talking about it, but now, almost a week later, things are back to 'normal' and I learned a very important lesson: You may act cool when you're on top of the world, but what happens when you sink six feet under? What do people say about you when you are just being yourself and nothing special happens in your life? Your actions everyday when no one is looking matters more than when everybody forgets your name and treats you a little less than you deserve.
Now, those articles are memories that my friends and I reminisce about. They only matter between me and the people who are there for me in spite of the things that I do.

Dissatisfied

I find it humorous and frustrating at the same time how we can be so dissatisfied with our current situation. Something as simple as our hair to the way we live our lives. At times we can resemble that child who is behind you in line at a store who screams when their parent refuses to buy them some candy. Why do we look past our incredible provisions and blessings at the predicaments that others are in, blinded by our own selfish ambition? We lie to ourselves, saying that it will be amazing, but in reality as soon as we make a change, we want to go back.
This has recently been the case for me. Being home has given me time to process and think about my life. I admitted something to myself that I haven't fully embraced in the past. I miss New Jersey. Something that I thought would never happen. I miss how diverse and how raw the state is. You can see an independent film in Princeton, snow ski in Vernon, go to a classic car show on the streets of Somerville, go to the beach at Ocean Grove, and see a concert in Sayreville. Not to mention New Jersey has some of the most beautiful landscape of any of the 50 states.
However, since I am missing New Jersey, I am reminding myself that God has placed me where I am for a specific reason. I need to be patient and realize that where I am at now is incredible compared to where I was yesterday.
Until the next time I set my feet upon the shifting ground that belongs to New Jersey, where the East, North, South, and West meet, I will be patiently awaiting our next meeting. Like a violent handshake from an over-bearing friend who means well is New Jersey treatment to their visitors.
Here's to you Jersey, where 'Only the strong survive' or the clinically insane.

The Perfect Song

The perfect song is elusive like fog or a wet bar of soap. When you catch it or it catches you, you seize the moment or the moment is lost. I had the opportunity of catching one of those moments and writing a song for a good friend. I also had the opportunity of sharing it in front of our cafeteria at school to her. I think she enjoyed it.
In the past five or six months I have not played the guitar or even had the desire to do so. This has ignited that passion again. It had gotten to the point that I didn't know if I was going to pick up the guitar again or not. I guess it just takes those rare moments when God gives you a glimpse into true creativity. Not saying this was a work of God, but rather God allowing me to feel creative again. Passion is the hardest fire to re-ignite, and sometimes it has to happen by chance.
I have also recently been taken chances on things that I would typically shy away from. Things like taking pictures in crazy Christmas sweaters downtown, attempting to crash fancy Christmas parties, and hanging out in Starbucks and remaining confident in the presence of pretty girls who give you funny looks.
Sometimes life doesn't throw any pitches and you just have to charge the pitcher's mound and shake things up a bit.

Anxiety in Monotony

Recently I have been anxious for what is to come in my life. I long for a change but I am happy with where I'm at. My life at the moment lacks creation. I am given formulas to follow, guidelines to adhere to, and limits to my time. I desperately want to see the life of my creation. The feeling that I get when something I create or design stands on it's own is unsurpassed by anything I have ever encountered. This is probably attributed to the fact that I am created to create. God has given me somewhat of a prolific direction that I enjoy following. In following this direction, I see the gifts that God has given me being used.
i often see people around me, who have potential, like everyone, but end up not stretching themselves in order to remain comfortable. My family has been stretched in order to give me an advantage in my life, and I would be stupid not to take the opportunity to live out my dreams. I see lines and endless possibilities where there everyone else sees blank stares and shapes. I see patterns where most people happenstance.

Broken Computer

My computer crashed last Wednesday. I had no idea how much I depend on it until I lost it. I had a Theology Mid-Term the next day and my study guide and review sheet were on the computer. I had not printed them off yet. Needless to say, my week finished in a down-spiral. It was resurrected at the end of the week, but it was after the bulk of my week had taken place. Life never seems to be dull.